Answering the simple question “how are you doing?” has been complicate by the recent change in day to day life. When I was asked that question pre-COVID, 99% of the time I would reply with ‘great’ or ‘fine’ or something of the sort, whether or not I was doing okay. I never gave it a second thought and mostly wanted to continue on with the conversation, not harp on how I was actually feeling at any given moment.
It’s been more than three months since I last shared anything here and it’s partly because at times I haven’t been ‘fine.’ There are many times where I have been just fine, but there are plenty others when I’m feeling confused or scared or anxious or agitated. There has also been such an overwhelming distraction in all of this that I’ve found it hard to sit down and do anything creative. I felt frozen and empty.
All we have is the here and now – we’re living in an “infinite present”. This was a phrase shared on Twitter by American journalist Helen Rosner, who heard it during a therapy session. The infinite present, her therapist explained, is upon us because we have “no future plans, no anticipation of travel or shows or events or celebrations. It’s an endless today, never tomorrow”.Huffpost
Now I feel those things sometimes but I’m starting to feel other new emotions related to the times and they’re opening up space for some creative exploration. I am currently working on a zine that will be a sort of COVID activity book and exploration of the past few months. I’m also just starting to write things down and document how I’m feeling and what I’m doing.
Sometimes it’s hard to put words to what it is we’re going through beyond just the basics. This chart was a way of exploring some of the things beyond just the basics that I’ve been feeling. Maybe this will help you explore some of your feelings, too.